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4 Comments
Yes there are civil people in the world and I’m glade to see that you and your ex are civil enough to come to an agreement on your won and not through the courts..It shows that the 2 of you are thinking about the childs needs and not your own..
If you too can be civil and make an agreement, then go for it and that would be great for the both of you.
You and your ex should be applauded. You both show a high level of maturity and are putting your childs rights above your own hurt feelings (assuming there are any).
To answer your question, yes you can.
But when you are finished writing up an agreement, you should both take it to an independent lawyer to ensure no one is getting screwed.
Then you can just get a judge to notarize it.
This is a much better idea then fighting it out in court to get the same thing you would work out anyways. And just pay lawyers what could have been spent on your child.
Good for you!
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WARNING, LONG WINDED OLD FART
No, it is neither legal or binding, as it’s not registered with the court. Only a judge can legally declare you divorced, otherwise if either of you remarry, you can be charged with bigamy.
An uncontested divorce need not require the two of you to hire attorneys. You need only find a Certified Mediator, hack out the agreement, in detail, file it with the court, and set a hearing date. On that day the judge will swear both of you in, ask if you both agree to the terms set down in the document, than everyone signs it. Generally, there is a 30-60 day waiting period for the document to be recorded with the county and state registries.
The mediator will be a lawyer or paralegal, with specialized training. Each of you MUST pay half the fees. The fees could run from $200 to $1000, depending on the going rates in your area, and time spent on the document. Court fees could run $50 to $150, but if you are tight on money, you could request a waiver.
These are the things you NEED to cover in the document.
CUSTODY
Soul Custody
Joint Legal Custody
Joint Physical Custody
Bird Nest Custody (see below)
VISITATION
How close do you live to him?
How old is the child?
How often?
What specific weeks, or months?
What specific holidays on in a list of years, do each parent get the children?
What if the custodial parent wants to move out of state?
MEDICAL
Who covers medical insurance?
Who decides on treatment?
CHILD SUPPORT
How much?
Weekly, Bi-Weekly, or Monthly?
How Long? Eighteen, High School, or End of College
Do you split the cost of college?
What state(s) may they attend in?
What is the minimum amount of college credit hours the child must take?
Who gets the tax deduction(s)?
What if the child gets pregnant? Does child support stop?
DEATH
If the residential parent dies, who gets the child? Never assume anything.
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May I ask why the divorce or separation? It’s very important that the child(ren) have both parents in the home. Is there nothing that can be done to preserve this?
Stanford University
Divorce, Nontraditional Families, and Its Consequences For Children
“We know that children of divorced parents have more emotional and behavioral problems and do less well in school than children who live with both their Parent.”
http://www.stanford.edu/~rmahony/Divorce.html
Fortune Magazine
“Ominously, the most reliable predictor of crime is neither poverty nor race but growing up fatherless.”
http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/1992/08/10/76732/index.htm
Stay married and save the planet
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090224/od_nm/us_divorce_odd
JOINT CUSTODY
Equal Time
How I divide my life between my divorced parents’ homes.
By Charlotte Juerge – Newsweek Web Exclusive – Dec 15, 2008
http://www.newsweek.com/id/174698
Father Makes Two
Time Magazine
By Margot Roosevelt Sunday, Nov. 11, 2003
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,183968-1,00.html
Here’s a few books that might help.
Stupid Things Parents Do to Mess Up Their Kids
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?r=1&afsrc=1&pwb=1&ean=9780060933791&z=y
Ten Stupid Things Couples do to Mess up Their Relationships
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?r=1&afsrc=1&pwb=1&ean=9780060512606&z=y
The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?r=1&afsrc=1&z=y&EAN=9780061142826&itm=1
Fatherless America : Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Fatherless-America/David-Blankenhorn/e/9780060926830/?itm=1
BIRD NEST CUSTODY
It’s a form of access or custody where the children stay in the former family residence and it is the parents who rotate in and out separately and on a negotiated schedule.
The children simply live at “home” and the separated or divorced parents take turns living with them there, but never at the same time.
The core element of this arrangement is that each parent maintains a separate residence where they live when it is not their turn at the “bird’s nest”. When one parent arrives for his/her designated time, the other vacates right away, so as to minimize or eliminate the presence of both at the same time.
At times, bird’s nest access can be coupled with specified access with the other parent say, for example, for dinner one night a week.
Sometimes, this form of access or custody will end when the youngest child reaches the age of majority at which time, one parent either buys the other out of their interest, if any, in the former family residence, or it is sold and the proceeds divided pursuant to the matrimonial property regime or separation agreement.
The arrangement can be expensive as it generally requires that three separate residences be maintained, the “nest” and a separate residence for each parent.
The conce